FEAR AND LOATHING: This is art but not as we know it, expect it or even like it.
FEAR AND LOATHING: This is art but not as we know it, expect it or even like it. Contributed

The big Byron Shire News art quiz

HERE in Byron Shire the time has come to have a serious discussion about ART.

That's right. Capital A, capital R, capital T.

Now that I have mentioned the word ART I know one third of readers have thrown the newspaper on the ground like it's on fire and are jumping up and down on it.

One third are now holding the newspaper at arms-length, regarding it sideways with suspicion like it's about to come alive and play a trick on them.

The remaining third have opened a fresh bottle of wine and are making canapés.

That's the three main effects ART has on people- Disgust, distrust or engagement.

And we have a new sculpture out on Ewingsdale Road eliciting exactly those reactions even as we speak.

So in order to help us all tip toe across this aesthetic minefield of our own making and better inform council of ratepayers preferences when it comes to future public art acquisitions here's a handy questionnaire.

1. Which one of these things starting with P is not a sculpture?

A. The Pieta

B. The Big Prawn

C. The Pyramids.

2. When commissioning future public art works which of these makes a suitable subject?

A. Two mythological creatures (eg. Unicorn and a Minotaur) fighting to the death.

B. Winged dolphin leaping through a Yoni shaped dream catcher.

C. Scantily clad woman riding a shark like it's a surfboard.

D. Bronze statue of Chewbacca holding a surfboard making the shaka sign (everyone loves Chewie and everyone loves surfing)

E. Statue of Jesus just being jesus-y.

3. How can you tell if a sculpture is any good?

A. It looks exactly like the thing it's a sculpture of.

B. If it's a sculpture of a person (like Chewbacca) the eyes seem to follow you round the room- even when you are standing behind it.

C. It costs a lot and it's on a pedestal.

4. Complete this sentence using one of the four following options. "Our next piece of public art should...

A. Be shiny.

B. Sell hamburgers and thick shakes.

C. Be made of bitumen and be installed in holes in the road around the shire.

D. Be exciting and challenging and create a discussion about what we want it to say about ourselves as a community, that is if we want it to do anything at all besides just be there.

E. Not be shiny.

Answers: because this is a questionnaire about ART all of the questions are trick questions and all of the answers are both right and wrong.

So whether the Lighthouse sculpture out there on Ewingsdale Road survives the controversy or disappears or becomes something else- it's already done its job.