These are the people to avoid on Tinder
"I hope you're not talking to weirdos on those stupid apps again," Dad said recently.
I definitely was talking to people on Bumble when he sprung me, but in my defence only about half of my matches were weirdos.
Dad is like a lot of people over the age of 40 - convinced dating apps benefit only predators hunting their next victim. And to be fair to Dad and his fellow naysayers, a lot of the criticism levelled at them is justified.
They are superficial, can be incredibly unsafe - particularly for women - and encourage the disturbing reliance we have on our phones.
But hey, I can't remember the last time I saw a flyer for a community barn dance and meeting people at 2am in line for a kebab is a recipe for disaster, so apps it is.
I think one of the hardest things about downloading Tinder, Bumble or whatever other new app us doing the rounds is writing the profile. Picture selection is relatively easy compared to filling in the about me section or describing what you're looking for.
Trying not to sound like a twit is a painstaking exercise.
And while I wouldn't go as far to say I'm a dating apps expert, if Married At First Sight can pass itself off as a television show about building strong relationships I don't see the harm in me sharing my extensive insights.
After spending some time swiping you'll notice that there's a few words or expressions that come up often so here's a glossary of sorts aiming on what they really mean in the context of dating profiles.
You'd better like camping, fishing and visits to BCF. Weekend adventurers are not the type of people you can say "hey, reckon we could just spend our days off catching up on sleep and mowing my lawn that the neighbours are starting to make snippy comments about?" to. Nope. If you swipe right on a Weekend Adventurer you can guarantee dating them will be more strenuous than an F45 session. In the worst case scenario it could lead to an air rescue off the top of a Glasshouse Mountain, so unless you're a seasoned hiker keep it moving because tax payers shouldn't have to foot the bill for your bad choices.
Down to earth
If the phrase down to earth is used it means something along the lines of 'I don't have time for your carrying on'. I'll give you an example of when it's best used. A potential match might say: "How gross is it when people eat pineapple on a pizza?" I would respond with: "I was born in North Queensland and we were raised believing pineapple should be eaten with everything. Including on ham sandwiches. You don't seem very down to earth, which I did I mention as a non-negotiable in my profile." Then I would block them because you should never ever be but in a situation where you are forced to defend your culture on a dating app.
According to dating apps a lot of people are "world travellers". Not backpackers or people who like holidaying, rather they're "explorers". It's hard to imagine Vasco da Gama relating to these people but like I keep telling dad, technology has changed the way we live. So I guess using the word explorer is OK if you have made genuine discoveries in your travels, even if it's only the best spot to get a selfie in Phuket.
This is a good word to litter through your profile and in conversation because it lets potential catfishers know you're onto them. Catfishing (pretending to be someone you are not) is a genuine issue on dating apps. Using the word honest and it's various iterations at least four times in your profile will help stamp out even light catfishing; like using too many filters on photos or exaggerating achievements.
Partner in crime
Turns out this person doesn't actually want someone to commit crimes with them. In fact, in my experience someone "looking for a partner in crime" translated to needing me to go to Freedom to give my opinion on some outdoor furniture before heading home for a Sao and cup of tea. Take that, Bonnie and Clyde.
If someone describes himself or herself as a hopeless romantic you can probably expect a lot of flattery, potentially large bunches of gerberas and statements like: "I can't help it, I wear my heart on my sleeve and people take advantage of that". If you're tempted to pop this on your profile I'd suggest you avoid it. Just got with romantic instead. No point giving everything away at the start let them find out overtime how hopeless you are.
Jill Poulsen is a columnist for The Courier-Mail.