EDITORIAL: Choose your own founding story
IN THE wake of our Straya Day celebrations it has become apparent we have lost the plot regarding our nation's founding narrative.
So here is a handy Create Your Own Founding Myth paper-based app.
Fill in the blanks from the alternatives provided and stick it on the fridge so we can corroborate our alibis for later.
When Captain Cook was a young (street urchin/cabin boy/opening batsman) he knew that he was always destined to (circumnavigate Australia/invent surfing in Hawaii/not die of scurvy).
Later when Captain (Arthur Phillip/Pugwash/ Jack Sparrow) stepped ashore at (Botany Bay/ Cronulla/the Goldie/the Dardenelles) he was astonished to find (no one there/Aboriginal people living in harmony with the natural environment/not everyone was thrilled to see him/the Turkish army).
He almost immediately (assumed it was OK to take the place over/threatened to shoot a few people/took a dump in the sandhills like every other traveller does) but not before declaring (Ned Kelly/Leigh Sales/ Nick Cave/Phar Lap) as head of state and (hosting a hilarious barbecue/ building the Harbour Bridge/ losing a game of cricket against a local team of Aboriginal children who had never played cricket before).
Once the English had established a settlement they decided to call it (Sydney/Little Britain/ Drunkville) and set about (preserving the local flora and fauna/changing the climate/getting into real estate) before finally (negotiating a treaty with local custodians/declaring victory and evacuating Gallipoli/firing the colony's cricket coaching staff).
Later when Captain Bligh became (prime minister/ chief protector of Aboriginal people/convicted by the Banking Royal Commission) he discovered (rum/negative gearing/tourism) and decided it would be best for the country if (we forgot all the bad stuff/the government looked after Aboriginal children/we privatised the ABC/re-enacted Captain Cook's first walk in space).
Which brings us up to date with Australia's truth-telling Endeavour(s) so far.